what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Just puked most of my soul out..
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
