theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
