the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
