I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
