So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Randomize
