I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
