He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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