Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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