After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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