the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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