where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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