the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
