My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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