he shaved USA in his pubs
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
