wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
His nipple licking is glorious
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