i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
