he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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