my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize