I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize