drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
