the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
