just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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