YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
