I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
