So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
