dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize