Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
