The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
