my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
