I have demons in me.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
