birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
