I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
