i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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