how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize