Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
