Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
