he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
