I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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