In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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