We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
