i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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