I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
