ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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