Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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