We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize