Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
