I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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