she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
