I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
