Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
