Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize