he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
