Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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