I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
