What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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