Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
