remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
