i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
