he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
