Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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