Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
