Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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