just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
