Porn is love you can see.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
