She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
