better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
