i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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