Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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