24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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