He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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