what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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