u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
