just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
