the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
