But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
