May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
