if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
