ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
