why do cheetos always look like penises
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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