Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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