I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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